WILMINGTON, DE – Brandywine Valley County police were stuck in the middle of a less than appetizing investigation. Investigators were trying to find the person who has dumped bags of what appears to be human vomit in ditches in a 1 1/2-mile area northeast of the City of Wilmington.
Police Officer Dan Wesley said, “As many as 50 garbage and trash bags containing regurgitated food have been dumped over the past three years… Bags, ranging in size from small white trash bags to large black lawn bags, which were overflowing with the substance in them,” Wesley said.
"It's pretty weird," he said. "It's pretty unusual even for us… we are used to corpses and other forensic stuff, but we haven't worked anything like this before."
A sample was taken from one of the bags and sent to a private lab for analysis.
"We have checked the DNA reports," he said, “and there is only one suspect in the case.”
"We were just hoping...Donald J. Trump, 73, U.S. President (POTUS), has allegedly been doing this, and it would stop," Wesley said. “Apparently the FBI investigation that is required for any Congressional or White House appointment seemed to overlook this case.”
In a teleconference call, Trump was defiant and on the defensive, “I realize littering even on a highway is a nuisance, but the peasants have to eat! I didn’t work for FOX News for nothing, and as in The White House, I intend to continue my generosity.
My new boss Vladimir Putin is wholly behind this idea and thinks it’s a good initiative for the rest of the mud people. But don’t quote me.”
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